Tears In the Water by Margherita Scialla

Author:Margherita Scialla
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Margherita Scialla

FIFTEEN

The internet can be a scary and dangerous place when it comes to information. Apart from being a way for people to access any kind of knowledge, it is also somewhere anyone can state their opinion. Anyone can post anything about any topic and, most of the time, there is no way of confirming if the information is true or not, which can become a problem depending on what one is searching for.

I knew for a fact that many people could relate to taking ‘am I gay’ quizzes online when they started questioning their sexuality, and I was part of that demographic myself. For many people these quizzes were the only way to start their journey of figuring themselves out without actually outing themselves to the people around them. Going online for explanations and advice was our only way of communicating with others with similar experiences. Back when I did it, the information to be found online was scarce and mostly stereotypical, but with the passing of time and new identities becoming more normalized and more openly discussed, information in general had become more truthful and accurate, with more voices to fearlessly tell their stories.

It took me years to understand what my sexuality was. I was always confused over who I liked and who I wanted to date, not being able to understand what I felt exactly or why I felt that way. My main problem wasn’t labeling myself, but what the consequences of using said label would be. I feared it would change everything, who I was in my own eyes and in the eyes of the people around me. When I finally realized the label that felt most like myself was pansexual, I had no problem at all accepting myself, even though I continued to be scared of others and decided to stay in the closet. After I’d figured that out, I thought that would be it, that I wouldn’t have any other queer crises or questioning. That was where I was wrong. Six years of being conscious of my sexuality weren’t enough to spare me another crisis. This time, the problem wasn’t who I liked, but who I was.

As my insomnia played another trick on me, I ended up on my phone in the middle of the night surfing the net like I was on a secret mission.

It didn’t take me long to start asking myself questions. Since I couldn’t manage to fall asleep, my mind wandered to Tate right away, and as I thought of him I couldn’t help but linger on the fact that he was trans. How had he known? Did he feel like there was something wrong, or different, about him? How did he understand what his true identity was? How could he be so confident about it? Might there be something in his experience that would resonate with me, too? There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but equally I didn’t want to overwhelm him or sound invasive. I was also scared of making a fool of myself in front of him.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.